1 00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:06,297 ♪ The Simpsons ♪ 2 00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:11,885 [announcer] C-SPAN5 now takes you to testimony 3 00:00:11,886 --> 00:00:14,514 before the Joint Committee on Terrible Events. 4 00:00:17,851 --> 00:00:20,853 {\an8}The Chair recognizes the woman with the four-foot beehive. 5 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:23,313 {\an8}Please state your name and occupation. 6 00:00:23,314 --> 00:00:25,649 {\an8}Um, Marjorie Bouvier Simpson. 7 00:00:25,650 --> 00:00:28,902 {\an8}Mother to three children and a husband. 8 00:00:28,903 --> 00:00:31,822 {\an8}She's raising us all on her own. 9 00:00:31,823 --> 00:00:33,575 {\an8}[whining] 10 00:00:34,701 --> 00:00:38,954 {\an8}Mrs. Simpson, please walk us through the events of March 12th. 11 00:00:38,955 --> 00:00:43,460 {\an8}Well, it all started with what was supposed to be a happy family trip. 12 00:00:44,294 --> 00:00:48,005 {\an8}The Simpsons are going to Pile Ridge, Louisiana. 13 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:50,632 {\an8}Oh, the trip is already ruined. 14 00:00:50,633 --> 00:00:52,676 {\an8}What is this gunk? 15 00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:55,262 {\an8}Oh. That's my lentil soup. 16 00:00:55,263 --> 00:00:57,056 {\an8}[groans] Lisa. 17 00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:02,394 {\an8}Well, what else am I supposed to eat at your family's barbaric pig butchery? 18 00:01:02,395 --> 00:01:04,605 {\an8}It's... [speaks French] ...boucherie. 19 00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:09,234 {\an8}It's a cherished Bouvier tradition that reunites our extended family 20 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:12,154 {\an8}and celebrates our Cajun roots. 21 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:15,616 {\an8}And they shoot the pig in the head, John Wick-style. 22 00:01:15,617 --> 00:01:18,035 {\an8}- Look! - Stop. It's horrifying. 23 00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:21,206 {\an8}Mmm. Delicious. 24 00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:24,042 [shrieks] Horrifying! 25 00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,835 Mr. Simpson, as I understand it, 26 00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:31,006 {\an8}you were enticed by the thought of enjoying savory meats, 27 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:34,676 {\an8}but repulsed by the appearance of your wife's family. 28 00:01:34,677 --> 00:01:37,262 {\an8}Yes, Senator. I cannot perjure myself. 29 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:39,264 {\an8}They are barf in human form. 30 00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:40,682 {\an8}I reclaim my time. 31 00:01:40,683 --> 00:01:43,645 {\an8}Traveling brings out Homer's worst qualities. 32 00:01:45,230 --> 00:01:49,274 Oh! All the seats are taken by jerks and their bags. 33 00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:50,610 Maybe we can sit in there. 34 00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:52,904 That looks comfy. 35 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:56,198 Squirt em' if you got em'. 36 00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,783 [groans] Oh. 37 00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:01,120 - [growling] - Your hoops are quivering, calm down. 38 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:04,081 Now boarding active-duty TV clowns. 39 00:02:04,082 --> 00:02:05,583 - [tires screech] - [Homer screams] 40 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:09,169 {\an8}[sniffing] Some sober companion you are. 41 00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:12,965 {\an8}I'm only three hours out of rehab, and I can smell the booze on ya. 42 00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,800 {\an8}You mean my hand sanitizer? 43 00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,137 {\an8}Ooh, daddy want. 44 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:18,846 {\an8}[gulps] 45 00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,556 Mrs. Simpson, we're overbooked. 46 00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:22,432 Your seats are no longer together. 47 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:25,936 This is bull. I demand to speak to Sully Sullenburger. 48 00:02:25,937 --> 00:02:28,689 Homer, stop it. You always do this. 49 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:31,150 - You'll get us banned. - So? 50 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:34,236 We'll take our business else-- [muffled] 51 00:02:34,237 --> 00:02:36,363 There is no elsewhere. 52 00:02:36,364 --> 00:02:38,240 Because of your past behavior, 53 00:02:38,241 --> 00:02:42,870 you're on the no-fly list of every other airline in the country. 54 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,288 Even Spirit. 55 00:02:44,289 --> 00:02:45,789 Try it again. 56 00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:49,626 [engine cranking, sputtering] 57 00:02:49,627 --> 00:02:52,963 So, unless you want all our future vacations 58 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:56,383 to be at my mother's house, talking her into hospice, 59 00:02:56,384 --> 00:03:00,053 you will hold it together on this flight. 60 00:03:00,054 --> 00:03:02,222 I promise, Marge. I won't let you down. 61 00:03:02,223 --> 00:03:03,891 I do have some good news. 62 00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,810 We have one free upgrade for a seat in first class. 63 00:03:06,811 --> 00:03:09,396 Ooh, I bet I'd really keep my promise to behave 64 00:03:09,397 --> 00:03:12,566 if I'm in that spacious lie-flat pod. 65 00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:14,903 Well, you'll never know. Yoink! 66 00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:16,654 [kisses] 67 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:22,034 Nuh-uh, sweetie. First-class is this way. 68 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,453 - Welcome. - Oh, my God. 69 00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:28,248 I'm turning left. I didn't know planes had a left. 70 00:03:28,249 --> 00:03:30,752 [gasps] Ooh. 71 00:03:33,671 --> 00:03:34,923 Oh. 72 00:03:37,258 --> 00:03:40,219 Oh, the seat is so plush and comfy. 73 00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,511 May I get you anything? 74 00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:43,263 I want everything. 75 00:03:43,264 --> 00:03:45,807 The whole first-class experience. 76 00:03:45,808 --> 00:03:51,688 Cold bubbly, warm nuts, hot towel, all the temperatures. 77 00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:54,983 Let's start you out with a complimentary Moët mimosa 78 00:03:54,984 --> 00:03:57,486 with extra zest and a little... Oh. 79 00:03:57,487 --> 00:04:00,740 Ooh. [snoring] 80 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,036 Okay, Homer, you can do this. 81 00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:08,622 Have a pleasant flight for Marge. 82 00:04:08,623 --> 00:04:10,374 - [passenger 1] Damn! - [passenger 2] Ow, my head. 83 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,292 - [passenger 3] Watch it! - [passenger 4] I hate the isle. 84 00:04:12,293 --> 00:04:15,170 [Homer] God, don't let this slob be next to me. 85 00:04:15,171 --> 00:04:17,839 [Comic Book Guy] God, don't let this slob be next to me. 86 00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,007 [both] Oh. 87 00:04:19,008 --> 00:04:20,300 [on PA] Good morning, everyone. 88 00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:24,346 My name is Joel, and I'll be your wingman today. 89 00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:26,014 [passengers chuckle] 90 00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:27,724 [chuckles] Thank you. 91 00:04:27,725 --> 00:04:30,727 Just a reminder, federal law prohibits smoking of any kind, 92 00:04:30,728 --> 00:04:33,772 unless like me, you're smokin' hot. 93 00:04:33,773 --> 00:04:34,940 [sizzles] 94 00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,442 [passengers chuckle] 95 00:04:37,026 --> 00:04:40,696 Oh, great, forced comedy at 9:00 in the morning. 96 00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:44,283 - [video game beeping] - No, Maggie. Screens turn brains to mush. 97 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,952 That's why Bart has to take ESL classes. 98 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,538 I'll parent you how I wanted to be parented. 99 00:04:49,539 --> 00:04:52,374 And sibling you how I wanted to be sibl'ed, 100 00:04:52,375 --> 00:04:56,461 with my Jazz Legends A to Z flash cards. 101 00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,588 Cannonball Adderley! 102 00:04:58,589 --> 00:05:01,133 He was more hard bop then bebop. 103 00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,342 Okay, movie fans, 104 00:05:02,343 --> 00:05:05,095 it's time for everybody's favorite in-flight flick, 105 00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:06,805 the safety demo. 106 00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:09,933 Remember this come Oscar time. [wheezes] 107 00:05:09,934 --> 00:05:11,476 [passengers chuckle] 108 00:05:11,477 --> 00:05:12,602 [groans] 109 00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:15,773 Good thing I've got my annoyance-canceling headphones. 110 00:05:16,649 --> 00:05:20,068 Oof. We are really packed in here, aren't we? 111 00:05:20,069 --> 00:05:23,071 Something is very wrong with this plane. 112 00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:24,823 - This is a trap! - [passengers groaning] 113 00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,241 It's a conspiracy to take us down! 114 00:05:26,242 --> 00:05:28,076 - [passenger 1] Get out of here! - [passenger 2] Oh! 115 00:05:28,077 --> 00:05:31,663 They're experimenting on us. I won't be a rat in your flying cage! 116 00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:35,667 - [passenger 3] Bye-bye. - [sighs] A seat for my second cheek. 117 00:05:35,668 --> 00:05:36,835 Yo, travel trolls. 118 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:39,171 A crazy lady just got kicked off the plane, 119 00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:42,007 so I jump-squatted a sweet aisle seat. 120 00:05:42,008 --> 00:05:45,052 Give my 40,000 followers a moan, bald dude. 121 00:05:45,053 --> 00:05:46,136 D'oh. 122 00:05:46,137 --> 00:05:47,512 [♪ music plays] 123 00:05:47,513 --> 00:05:50,891 ♪ D'oh, D'oh, D-D-D-D-D'oh ♪ 124 00:05:50,892 --> 00:05:52,810 ♪ D-D-D-D-D'oh ♪ 125 00:05:53,728 --> 00:05:56,147 [Homer gasps] Toenail clipper? 126 00:05:57,148 --> 00:05:58,316 Sardine eater? 127 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,651 Disgusto flossers? 128 00:06:01,652 --> 00:06:02,986 - Hi-yah! - Ow! 129 00:06:02,987 --> 00:06:05,322 Karate children? [groans] 130 00:06:05,323 --> 00:06:10,911 Marge, I'm trying to hold it together, just like I promised. 131 00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:11,995 [buzzes] 132 00:06:11,996 --> 00:06:16,500 [sighs] 133 00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:22,172 But it seems like this plane is filled with all the worst flyers in the world. 134 00:06:22,173 --> 00:06:23,840 {\an8}Well, his text was correct, Senator. 135 00:06:23,841 --> 00:06:27,469 Our airline serves the fastest-growing demographic in air travel, 136 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:29,513 the criminally obnoxious. 137 00:06:29,514 --> 00:06:33,476 {\an8}At Convenience Airways, we fly the no-fly list. 138 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:41,733 Mr. Wingspan, 139 00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:43,610 {\an8}if that is your funny name. 140 00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:48,448 {\an8}You mean to tell us that you filled an entire plane with obnoxious people 141 00:06:48,449 --> 00:06:50,575 {\an8}who were banned from other airlines? 142 00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:54,329 {\an8}Yes. Our business model is to cater to CIFs, 143 00:06:54,330 --> 00:06:56,581 {\an8}Civility Impaired Fliers. 144 00:06:56,582 --> 00:06:58,959 {\an8}- [child] Hi-yah! - [grunts] Control your team. 145 00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:02,295 Violence is a form of control. 146 00:07:02,296 --> 00:07:04,424 [karate children] Yes, Sensei. Hi-yah! 147 00:07:05,675 --> 00:07:07,634 {\an8}This was our inaugural flight, 148 00:07:07,635 --> 00:07:10,345 {\an8}testing if the innovative precautions we had taken 149 00:07:10,346 --> 00:07:14,433 {\an8}were enough to safely transport the rudest of the rude. 150 00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,601 {\an8}- Like this man. - [all gasp] 151 00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:18,353 {\an8}[Homer] Oh, come on. 152 00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:21,273 You choke out one guy with a seat belt extender 153 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,691 and you're labeled for life. 154 00:07:22,692 --> 00:07:26,445 {\an8}But on this flight, I promised Marge I would behave. 155 00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,238 {\an8}And I really tried. 156 00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:29,698 {\an8}It was torture. 157 00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:31,324 Torture! 158 00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:32,451 [screams] 159 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,454 Who would do such a thing to Patrick Wilson? 160 00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:37,457 Eyes on your own screen. 161 00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:40,125 [grunts] 162 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:44,464 And, no, you may not have any of my triad of expired Christmas delights. 163 00:07:45,089 --> 00:07:48,092 Cheese, butter, caramel. 164 00:07:48,801 --> 00:07:52,220 [chewing, grunting] 165 00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:55,223 And now the shower of champions. 166 00:07:55,224 --> 00:07:56,641 Huzzah! 167 00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:58,186 [groaning] 168 00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:01,771 [coughing] 169 00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:05,358 Uh, excuse me. I promised my wife I wouldn't fight 170 00:08:05,359 --> 00:08:08,069 or yell or pee anywhere other than the bathroom, 171 00:08:08,070 --> 00:08:11,656 but this guy next to me is making it really hard. 172 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,033 What guy? 173 00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:15,243 The Comic Book Guy guy. 174 00:08:15,244 --> 00:08:17,496 Huh? He just disappeared. 175 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,500 Well, it looks like the problem took care of itself. 176 00:08:21,125 --> 00:08:23,210 That is so weird. 177 00:08:23,211 --> 00:08:25,921 Hey, guys. You asked for it, I'm doing it. 178 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:29,382 The bathroom-sink-shrimp-scampi challenge. 179 00:08:29,383 --> 00:08:30,467 [groans] Oh. 180 00:08:30,468 --> 00:08:34,638 Marge, I'm barely holding it together back here. 181 00:08:34,639 --> 00:08:38,141 Please text me back some sweet words of comfort. 182 00:08:38,142 --> 00:08:39,893 - [phone chimes] - [buzzes] 183 00:08:39,894 --> 00:08:42,813 [Marge snoring] 184 00:08:43,397 --> 00:08:46,484 [Krusty snoring] Hey, hey. 185 00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,987 - [Sideshow Mel] Huzzah! - Hey, hey. 186 00:08:50,821 --> 00:08:52,573 Zounds! 187 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:58,578 [grunts] 188 00:08:58,579 --> 00:09:00,413 Needs tonic. 189 00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:02,582 [slurps] 190 00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:05,085 - [video game beeping] - [cackling] 191 00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:07,088 Die, die, die! 192 00:09:08,422 --> 00:09:09,924 {\an8}No, don't die! 193 00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,050 They're all dead. 194 00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:14,136 [groans] I need to play something. 195 00:09:15,346 --> 00:09:17,180 - [grunting] - [button chiming] 196 00:09:17,181 --> 00:09:18,765 I'm winning! I'm winning! 197 00:09:18,766 --> 00:09:20,100 Just a reminder, folks, 198 00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:23,478 the call button is only for real emergencies. 199 00:09:23,479 --> 00:09:26,273 Like if you're down to your last guess on Wordle. 200 00:09:26,274 --> 00:09:28,692 - [passengers chuckle] - [button chimes] 201 00:09:28,693 --> 00:09:32,654 Uh, I have a real emergency. Your jokes suck. 202 00:09:32,655 --> 00:09:34,448 [passengers laugh] 203 00:09:35,783 --> 00:09:37,659 S is for Sun Ra. 204 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:41,788 He's a little abstract, but when you get it, you'll really get it. 205 00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:43,999 Dig this. 206 00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,877 [♪ jazz music plays] 207 00:09:47,461 --> 00:09:49,796 [crying] 208 00:09:49,797 --> 00:09:52,215 Somebody shut that brat up! 209 00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,633 Oh, that's my brat. 210 00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:54,718 Stop judging her! 211 00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:56,469 I don't know what to do. 212 00:09:56,470 --> 00:10:01,224 I've been turning the jazz up as loud as I can, but it's not soothing her. 213 00:10:01,225 --> 00:10:03,476 - Is this an airline or a nursery? - [crying continues] 214 00:10:03,477 --> 00:10:06,688 Mustn't punch the jerk. 215 00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:07,981 It's so loud! 216 00:10:07,982 --> 00:10:11,693 I can barely hear myself feel up my mistress under this blanket. 217 00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:15,739 Okay, gang. We're about to start our beverage and snack service. 218 00:10:15,740 --> 00:10:17,198 If you feel like a pretzel, 219 00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:21,578 that means the guy in front of you has his seat all the way back. 220 00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:23,496 [passengers chuckle] 221 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:26,875 Just because it sounds like a joke doesn't mean it is one. 222 00:10:26,876 --> 00:10:29,586 - [passengers laughing] - [passenger] This kid. 223 00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:34,049 Come back in ten years, kid. I got voicemails older than you. Ha! 224 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,843 [passengers chuckle] 225 00:10:37,511 --> 00:10:40,180 And now it's time for your headliner, me. 226 00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:44,100 This guy's jokes suck so hard, we're about to lose cabin pressure. 227 00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:46,686 [passengers laugh] 228 00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:49,356 Okay. Okay. People, don't encourage him! 229 00:10:49,357 --> 00:10:51,858 Is what Joel's guidance counselor told his parents. 230 00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:53,527 [passengers laugh] 231 00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:55,863 Give me that! 232 00:10:57,782 --> 00:11:01,117 [imitating Joel] This is your unfunny flight attendant Joel speaking. 233 00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:03,870 Here are some more of my terrible jokes. 234 00:11:03,871 --> 00:11:06,874 [imitating sounds of flatulence] 235 00:11:11,295 --> 00:11:14,882 - [imitation continues] - [passengers laughing] 236 00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:18,803 [whispers] Left forward lavatory. 237 00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:20,804 - [crashing] - [Bart screams] 238 00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:22,055 - [crying] - Okay. 239 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:26,727 So daddy doesn't get into a fistfight, we're going to take a little walk. 240 00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:30,730 Dad, I figured out what's gonna calm Maggie. 241 00:11:30,731 --> 00:11:34,567 Improvisations in the style of pre-heroin Coltrane. 242 00:11:34,568 --> 00:11:41,492 - [♪ plays jazz music] - [cries, screams] 243 00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:46,079 Mama! 244 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:51,377 No, no, we can't bother Mommy or she'll leave us all for good. 245 00:11:54,171 --> 00:11:55,296 Hey, champ. 246 00:11:55,297 --> 00:11:59,718 I lost 50 grand on your pay per view fight against Vanilla Ice. 247 00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:01,302 You owe me. 248 00:12:01,303 --> 00:12:03,179 Come on, c-champ. 249 00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,432 I'm talking to you, champ. 250 00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:08,017 - [gunshot] - Oh, no, my Chekhov's gin. 251 00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:10,187 [slurps] 252 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:16,317 [grunts] Nobody licks me but my tiger. 253 00:12:16,318 --> 00:12:18,069 [crying] 254 00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,739 - That baby's a lap-sitting freeloader. - [crying stops] 255 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,451 I am sorry you have to put up with that guy. 256 00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,911 - We're all just doing our best. - Yeah. 257 00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:30,331 Parents don't get to go into airplane mode, do we? 258 00:12:30,332 --> 00:12:33,460 Thank God. Two sensible people. 259 00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:34,961 [alarm rings] 260 00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:37,465 Wylder, it's time. 261 00:12:38,090 --> 00:12:40,592 - Let's all sing the potty song. - [groans] 262 00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:42,260 - [♪ music playing] - Oh, no. No, no, no. 263 00:12:42,261 --> 00:12:45,514 Our little guy is on a strict potty training schedule. 264 00:12:46,891 --> 00:12:49,225 ♪ When it's time to make a poo-poo ♪ 265 00:12:49,226 --> 00:12:51,436 - ♪ Give a shout. Whoo-hoo! ♪ - ♪ Give a shout. Whoo-hoo! ♪ 266 00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,314 Whoo-hoo! 267 00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:56,357 No-hoo! 268 00:12:56,358 --> 00:12:58,443 Um, do you guys have any diapers? 269 00:12:58,444 --> 00:13:01,696 - Oh, we don't use the D word. - Oh, boy. 270 00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:03,656 Deal with your biohazard! 271 00:13:03,657 --> 00:13:05,366 - Change that baby! - What's wrong with you? 272 00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:08,120 - [passenger 1] Oh, come on. - That's not a baby, that's a hate crime. 273 00:13:08,871 --> 00:13:11,414 - Lisa, where's the diaper bag? - I don't have it. 274 00:13:11,415 --> 00:13:14,542 Why don't you ask your girlfriend, Maggie? 275 00:13:14,543 --> 00:13:16,711 Maggie's not my girlfriend, Marge is. 276 00:13:16,712 --> 00:13:19,131 [gasps] That's it. Marge has it. 277 00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,803 [grunting] 278 00:13:25,387 --> 00:13:26,471 [Homer] There's the bag. 279 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:28,599 Maggie, crawl through the clown fight. 280 00:13:29,475 --> 00:13:31,227 [Krusty grunting] 281 00:13:32,686 --> 00:13:34,270 Don't kill him, champ. 282 00:13:34,271 --> 00:13:36,649 My pension is almost vested. 283 00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:45,991 Okay, Maggie, to the bathroom. 284 00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:48,994 [♪ action music playing] 285 00:13:58,921 --> 00:14:00,214 We made it. 286 00:14:01,757 --> 00:14:03,217 [yelps] Toilet chef! 287 00:14:04,385 --> 00:14:05,885 [grunting] 288 00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:07,805 [yelps] In-laws! 289 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,683 {\an8}Care to join our mile high book club? 290 00:14:11,684 --> 00:14:13,226 {\an8}[yelps] Readers! 291 00:14:13,227 --> 00:14:14,728 [whimpering] 292 00:14:16,730 --> 00:14:19,608 - Sun Chips. Give me. Give me that. - [passengers clamoring] 293 00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:26,240 [both sigh] 294 00:14:28,409 --> 00:14:30,244 What the... 295 00:14:32,997 --> 00:14:34,747 Where is everybody? 296 00:14:34,748 --> 00:14:37,500 Please calmly return to your seat, sir. 297 00:14:37,501 --> 00:14:39,669 What did you do with all the horrible people I hate? 298 00:14:39,670 --> 00:14:41,212 Tell me what's going on! 299 00:14:41,213 --> 00:14:43,131 Or I'll seat belt you good! 300 00:14:43,132 --> 00:14:45,383 And why don't they make the whole plane out of the... 301 00:14:45,384 --> 00:14:48,052 black box material! 302 00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,721 This is your captain speaking. 303 00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:50,972 If you look to your left, 304 00:14:50,973 --> 00:14:53,808 you will see the magnificent Grand Canyon. 305 00:14:53,809 --> 00:14:58,730 Unless you're one of the 246 unruly souls 306 00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:03,443 who've been trapdoored into our complimentary in-flight prison. 307 00:15:03,444 --> 00:15:04,778 [groans] Oh. 308 00:15:07,531 --> 00:15:12,161 [saxophone playing blues] 309 00:15:13,495 --> 00:15:15,455 Trapdoors that lead to a prison? 310 00:15:15,456 --> 00:15:16,664 Since when? 311 00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:20,251 What monster could conceive of something this horrible? 312 00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,502 {\an8}BurnsCo. 313 00:15:21,503 --> 00:15:25,423 {\an8}Proudly installing trapdoor dungeon drops since 1926. 314 00:15:25,424 --> 00:15:28,551 {\an8}Is there anything more satisfying than a scream of terror 315 00:15:28,552 --> 00:15:30,178 {\an8}followed by a distant thud? 316 00:15:30,179 --> 00:15:32,305 {\an8}Mr. Wingspan, this is America. 317 00:15:32,306 --> 00:15:34,557 {\an8}When we violate people's civil liberties, 318 00:15:34,558 --> 00:15:36,434 {\an8}we usually give them a heads-up. 319 00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:40,021 {\an8}Drop pamphlets, send a cruise missile... [stammers] ...something. 320 00:15:40,022 --> 00:15:42,065 {\an8}Senator, I assure you, 321 00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:45,485 {\an8}we did warn the passengers of the potential consequences 322 00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:46,945 {\an8}of their actions. 323 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,113 {\an8}It's all in the safety video. 324 00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,240 But nobody watches those things. 325 00:15:51,241 --> 00:15:53,868 [senators murmuring] 326 00:15:53,869 --> 00:15:55,496 [senator 1] I certainly don't. 327 00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:57,872 [flight attendant] Should you choose to be unruly, 328 00:15:57,873 --> 00:16:01,377 you'll be trapdoored into our belly-of-the-plane prison. 329 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:06,381 If your behavior is too extreme, a ball gag will fall from the ceiling. 330 00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:10,761 Please affix your own ball gag first before ball-gagging your child. 331 00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,262 See? I was right. 332 00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:16,224 I tried to warn you, but you all thought I was crazy. 333 00:16:16,225 --> 00:16:19,143 Not to criticize, but maybe it's your tone? 334 00:16:19,144 --> 00:16:21,187 My tone is fine! 335 00:16:21,188 --> 00:16:23,523 [spluttering] 336 00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:26,192 And that concludes your beverage service. 337 00:16:26,193 --> 00:16:27,986 [chuckle] 338 00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:29,862 [muffled] He's very funny. 339 00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:32,073 No, he's not. He sucks! 340 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,241 [Joel] Take that! 341 00:16:33,242 --> 00:16:35,576 - [Joel laughs] - [splutters, coughs] 342 00:16:35,577 --> 00:16:37,328 They can't do this to us. 343 00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:40,790 Buying a ticket gives us the right to do what we want. 344 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:42,917 There's no law in the sky. 345 00:16:42,918 --> 00:16:46,379 I say we bust out. Who's with me? 346 00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,506 [all cheering] Yeah! 347 00:16:48,507 --> 00:16:51,384 We'll need every available weapon. 348 00:16:51,385 --> 00:16:52,635 I got toenail clippers. 349 00:16:52,636 --> 00:16:54,387 And some pretty sharp toenails. 350 00:16:54,388 --> 00:16:57,808 I got an airsick bag of hot bathroom shrimp. 351 00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:01,060 [Homer] My darling Marge, 352 00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:04,147 I am writing you from the cusp of yet another prison riot. 353 00:17:04,148 --> 00:17:06,441 If I die in this heroic escape attempt, 354 00:17:06,442 --> 00:17:08,359 remember me as a blameless victim. 355 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:11,447 One who got caught up in the coach-to-prison pipeline. 356 00:17:12,114 --> 00:17:14,365 BTW, lost Maggie. Hope she's with you. 357 00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:16,576 Lots going on. Shrug emoji. 358 00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,829 [snoring] 359 00:17:21,832 --> 00:17:23,250 [babbling] 360 00:17:27,921 --> 00:17:29,505 Marge is writing me back. 361 00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:31,716 - [phone chimes] - "Stop"? Stop what? 362 00:17:31,717 --> 00:17:34,844 - [phone chiming] - Wine. Wine. Wine? 363 00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:36,846 Does she want me to stop whining? 364 00:17:36,847 --> 00:17:38,848 [babbling] 365 00:17:38,849 --> 00:17:40,767 [Homer] Bee, man. 366 00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:42,518 - Be a man? - [phone chimes] 367 00:17:42,519 --> 00:17:44,353 X, lobster. 368 00:17:44,354 --> 00:17:46,606 Don't be shellfish? 369 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:50,610 Oh, my God. I am always thinking of "myshelf." 370 00:17:50,611 --> 00:17:52,278 - [chanting] Window seat! - [metal banging] 371 00:17:52,279 --> 00:17:55,698 Window seat! Window seat! 372 00:17:55,699 --> 00:17:58,117 No. This revolt is wrong! 373 00:17:58,118 --> 00:18:00,536 I know this because my wife just spoke to me 374 00:18:00,537 --> 00:18:03,539 in a series of direct and unambiguous emojis. 375 00:18:03,540 --> 00:18:06,834 Let us not be pigs or mules 376 00:18:06,835 --> 00:18:09,003 or a mermaid with a fax machine. 377 00:18:09,004 --> 00:18:11,464 Sure, we have to put up with baggage fees, 378 00:18:11,465 --> 00:18:15,968 no legroom and those $20 "protein boxes." 379 00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:19,055 But flying is a modern miracle. 380 00:18:19,056 --> 00:18:22,475 And all that's asked of us in return 381 00:18:22,476 --> 00:18:26,229 is basic human decency. 382 00:18:26,230 --> 00:18:28,481 [all sighing] 383 00:18:28,482 --> 00:18:31,818 Mmm. I could be more patient with kids and babies. 384 00:18:31,819 --> 00:18:34,320 After all, I am a preschool teacher. 385 00:18:34,321 --> 00:18:37,573 {\an8}I'm sorry I savagely beat your husband with your hair bone. 386 00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:39,242 {\an8}[stammers] 387 00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:41,995 {\an8}He's not my... No, forget it. 388 00:18:42,496 --> 00:18:47,083 So, to quote my wife, we have to start acting civilized 389 00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:52,505 and stop being a bunch of huge eggplants. 390 00:18:52,506 --> 00:18:54,006 [chimes] 391 00:18:54,007 --> 00:18:57,552 [Captain] Aw. Well, folks, now that you've exhibited a modicum of civility, 392 00:18:57,553 --> 00:18:59,512 the handcuff sign has been turned off. 393 00:18:59,513 --> 00:19:01,848 You are now free to return to your seats 394 00:19:01,849 --> 00:19:04,392 and work through the childhood trauma that led you 395 00:19:04,393 --> 00:19:07,688 to behave like the ugliest of ugly Americans today. 396 00:19:13,235 --> 00:19:14,570 [shivering] 397 00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:17,113 Excuse me, Mrs. Simpson. 398 00:19:17,114 --> 00:19:18,447 We'll be landing soon, 399 00:19:18,448 --> 00:19:21,242 so we need you to return your seat to its upright position. 400 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:24,245 Hmm. What? We're landing? 401 00:19:24,246 --> 00:19:27,832 I slept through my first first class? 402 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:31,627 Yes, but you got the most perfect flying experience 403 00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,379 anyone could ever ask for. 404 00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:36,299 You didn't even know you were on a plane. 405 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,050 Aw. 406 00:19:38,051 --> 00:19:43,472 And then she gave me the best cookie of my entire life. 407 00:19:43,473 --> 00:19:45,558 [whines] Oh. Cookie. 408 00:19:45,559 --> 00:19:49,228 After listening to the 14 hours of testimony today, 409 00:19:49,229 --> 00:19:53,733 I propose that Convenience Airways' radical passenger control system 410 00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:58,196 be approved for use across the entire airline industry. 411 00:19:58,197 --> 00:20:00,114 - [senators] Yes. - I agree. 412 00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:04,035 Well, I say, trapdoor 'em all and let the FAA sort it out. 413 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,203 {\an8}Excellent. 414 00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:07,371 - So ordered. - Wait. 415 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:10,833 {\an8}As the one person who was not trapdoored on this flight, 416 00:20:10,834 --> 00:20:13,502 {\an8}I believe I have the authority to say 417 00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:18,132 {\an8}that mass in-flight incarceration is not the answer. 418 00:20:18,133 --> 00:20:23,554 {\an8}We need thoughtful solutions to this epidemic of rudeness and disrespect. 419 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:26,849 {\an8}Sure, it's easy to push a button and drop all your problems 420 00:20:26,850 --> 00:20:30,478 {\an8}down a trapdoor... 421 00:20:30,479 --> 00:20:32,188 - [thuds] - [Marge] Ow. 422 00:20:32,189 --> 00:20:35,233 Honey, are you hurt? 423 00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,445 [Marge] I'm okay. I landed on my hair. 424 00:20:49,081 --> 00:20:50,164 {\an8}[♪ instrumental music playing] 425 00:20:50,165 --> 00:20:53,000 {\an8}[flight attendant] In our Convenience Airways in-flight prison, 426 00:20:53,001 --> 00:20:55,586 {\an8}cigarettes are not accepted as currency. 427 00:20:55,587 --> 00:20:58,589 {\an8}Preferred method of payment is sexual favors. 428 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:01,842 {\an8}Please do not fashion the courtesy toothbrush into a shiv. 429 00:21:01,843 --> 00:21:05,054 {\an8}Complimentary shivs are provided upon request. 430 00:21:05,055 --> 00:21:07,431 {\an8}In the unlikely event of a water landing, 431 00:21:07,432 --> 00:21:10,685 {\an8}your cellmate may be used as a flotation device. 432 00:21:10,686 --> 00:21:12,645 {\an8}Should you tamper with your handcuffs, 433 00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:14,939 {\an8}you will be ejected from the plane. 434 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:18,109 {\an8}Parachutes are available for purchase on our website. 435 00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,903 {\an8}We know you have no choice in airplane prisons, 436 00:21:20,904 --> 00:21:23,656 {\an8}but we appreciate you being locked up with us. 437 00:21:23,657 --> 00:21:27,202 {\an8}And don't forget to sign up for our frequent felon program.